Family Matters (Part 1)

[00:00:00] We will go back to the Book of Proverbs. In our major themes study of Proverbs, we did three lessons concerning the simple. [00:00:08] Before that, we did several lessons concerning the fear of the Lord. And so the next major theme we're going to talk about I was going to divide this up into two different two different themes that we would cover independently. But after I gave you some thought, I think we'll just kind of mush it together because there's a fair amount of overlap, as we'll see today. But I call this major theme family matters. Family matters. In other words, there are many things in the Book of Proverbs that deal directly with the family, whatever goes on in the home. And so we want to look at some of those things. [00:00:46] And today there is a fair and moderate likelihood that there might be cause to blush among us because of what the Scripture says. And I will do my best to be discreet and not dwell too long on things that are embarrassing. But hey, the Lord said it, so we're going to at least look at it. [00:01:17] So I will be discreet. I'm just, of course, joking, but I will be discreet. Okay, so let's look at Proverbs. We'll begin in chapter five of the Book of Proverbs. [00:01:33] So we might need to cover Robert's ears so that I don't get another no. [00:01:43] Do you want me to explain it? Okay. So, Mr. Robert, the other day when I was talking about when I preached on one of the lessons on divorce and remarriage, little Robert went home and asked his mom I'll get it wrong. I could read the message. But the summary is that he asked his mom about something that the preacher said that I guess was in the same ballpark, but wasn't exactly what the preacher had said. And frankly, I don't know how he got the idea that I said that, but it was kind of interesting. So again, I'm trying to be discreet. Thanks, Joseph. [00:02:29] Yeah, that's true. So we might need to cover Robert's ears. [00:02:35] All right, so let's look at Proverbs five, starting in verse number 15. [00:02:43] The Bible says, drink waters out of thine own cistern and running waters out of thine own well. [00:02:53] Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets, let them be only thine own and not strangers with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind in pleasant row. Let her breast satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love. [00:03:16] And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. All right, let's pray. Lord in heaven, thank you for, first of all, for being our father, for being our savior. Thank you for Christ and for his bloodshed, for us on the cross. Thank you for rising again from the dead. Thank you for saving our souls, forgiving our sins, cleansing us when we called upon you, when we trusted in you. Thank you for that, lord. Thank you for those that are here today. Thank you for those that are listening in. Thank you for Your people, Lord, that you didn't save us and leave us alone, but you saved us and you put us in a group, in a community, a fellowship of people who love you likewise and who are growing. And Lord, thank you for that. Thank you for the grace of God that we see in one another as well as what we see in ourselves. Sometimes, Lord, the work of the Lord in our own hearts gets a little bit obscure because of various circumstances in our life. But we can look at others and we can see what you're doing in their lives and know that you are doing it in our lives, whether we see it or not. [00:04:34] Lord, please give us ears to hear. I pray that you'd guide me as I teach Your people. You would help Your people as they listen to the Word, and that you would strengthen them and bless them and help them to understand and obey and follow what Your Word says. In Jesus name. Amen. [00:04:54] Now, as you know, what I just read was dealt with basically the marriage relationship between the husband and the wife. And I'll just say that when we looked at this in the entirety of it, without stopping, we'll stop at some verses in just a minute. But when we look at the entirety of it, what we see is the Lord is interested in what kind of relationship that a husband and a wife have. It is not the way a husband and wife relate to one another in their personal relationship. We're not talking about kids right now. We're talking about the husband and the wife. The way the husband and the wife relate to one another is something that the Lord is paying attention to and cares about, and he gives us instruction about that relationship. [00:05:47] And especially the relationship between the husband and the wife is not something that is to be dictated by the norms of the society in which we live. [00:06:02] It is not to be dictated by that. Now, having, of course, been a missionary in Cambodia, and of course, they have different ideas about anytime you deal with a culture. One of the things about culture is how families relate to one another. [00:06:18] And one of those things is the different ideas that Cambodian people have about the marital relationship. [00:06:29] And that was always something that was very important, because it goes off the rails pretty quickly when that relationship is not right. And when that relationship between the husband and wife is incorrect, it breeds other problems, other sins, other temptations that don't have to be that way. And we'll see that today. [00:06:52] But even in our own culture, even in our own society, our culture is to a large degree based in we might call biblical truth, even if it's not acknowledged as such. But sometimes there are good things in our culture, in our society, that kind of set an example and direction for us about the way we should have our marriage. And then sometimes it's not. It's just wrong. [00:07:18] And even in different parts of the United States, it's that way. So we'll see that as well. [00:07:25] But as you read here, of course, there's some pretty spicy words that we just read, and the spiciest of which I won't read again, but I trust everybody has a Bible. And if you want to look at verse number 19 again, then you can look at it. But I'm just not going to do that for the kids and all that. [00:07:48] But what we can see and summarize is that the description of this relationship in the husband and the wife, at a minimum, what we can say is it is supposed to be a relationship that is romantic, without a doubt. You can just keep that as kind of the baseline. [00:08:07] It is not supposed to be a relationship where it's casual and it's just kind of a friendship or a roommate scenario. No, a relationship between a husband and a wife is supposed to be romantic. It's supposed to be spicy. Okay? That's what we read here. [00:08:25] And I know here's the thing. I know that that concept is often kind of frowned upon. I know that depending on the generation and there's problems, it doesn't matter if it's the older generation, they call it the greatest generation or the baby boomers, or you come into what's the one after that? Help. Somebody help me. Somebody help me. Millennials, I think, are after baby boomers. And then you have the gen z, which is what my kids are. Each one of them has a different idea about the way marital life is supposed to be and the way this kind of romantic relationship is supposed to happen. And each one of them has excesses and parts that are right and maybe parts that are wrong. [00:09:05] But we don't care about that. All we care about is what the Scripture says. So let's look at a few other verses that kind of look at it from an altitude. And then we'll come back to Proverbs, chapter five. Look at Ecclesiastes, chapter number nine. [00:09:23] Ecclesiastes, chapter number 19. [00:09:40] Verse number nine says this live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest, all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity. [00:09:56] Did I just repeat it? Yes, it actually does repeat. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. For that is thy portion in this life and in thy labor, which thou takest under the sun. Now, it sounds very kind of sarcastic, right? Yeah. Go ahead and enjoy your life of your vanity. [00:10:11] But then it says, that is thy portion in this life. And of course, we know Ecclesiastes deals with life as it is under the sun, at least until you get to the end of the last chapter. So in other words, there is a great deal in this life that will pass away. But on the other hand, it is the portion that God has given us and we enjoy it, right? [00:10:32] And one of those things that is temporary, that only exists under the sun is a marriage. And so the Lord says, live joyfully with thy wife. Now, that doesn't mean you go on cruises if you want to go on a cruise. And as long as you're not gambling and getting drunk, we're fine, right? I mean, I guess there's things about cruises that aren't so good. Go to Alaska, that's the best kind of cruise because it's cold and people keep their clothes on. So it's true, everybody's laughing, but I'm telling the truth. [00:11:06] But you might go on a cruise. You might go on a vacation with one another as a part of your married life. And listen, you should do that. But that's not what this is talking about. This is talking about our relationship together. Live joyfully. This is the relationship you have with your wife and the joy that grows therefrom just from being at home, just from being with one another. So let me ask you a question just out the blocks. If you're married, do you have a joyful relationship with your spouse? [00:11:36] That's a good question. [00:11:39] So the Lord wants us to have that notice. It says, thou lovest with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity. You see, that all the days. That's what we've been talking about the past several services. [00:11:56] And so let's go to First Corinthians, chapter seven. [00:12:03] First Corinthians, chapter seven, verse one. [00:12:17] The Bible says, now, concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. [00:12:25] Nevertheless, verse two, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband. Now, Paul's, there, verse number two, says it very plainly one of the purposes of marriage is to provide a holy and right place to fulfill the carnal desires. All right? To avoid fornication. Now, of course, that's not the sum total of it. It certainly should not be the sum total of it. But that is one purpose that God has provided even before the fall of man. Remember, marriage was established before man fell. So has nothing whatsoever as far as marriage is concerned, has nothing whatsoever to do with sin because sin wasn't in the world yet. [00:13:14] But we see that given the state of man, the Lord has provided a way such that those natural desires can be fulfilled. That's what verse two, and so we will not sin in them. Verse three, let the husband render unto the wife do benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over of her own body, but the husband. So now we're talking about the body. So obviously we know the context here. This is talking about the intimate relationship. [00:13:43] And likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. Now we looked at that within last couple of weeks, but what I want you to see here is that the Lord says there's a proper place for this. And he says this is the way you need to do. He says, defraud ye not one, the other. So when that relationship, that part of the marriage relationship is out of order, what did we just read in Proverbs? And we're going back there in just a minute, but what did we just read that passage and all the things that are listed there? The Lord says that should be the case in a marriage relationship. But then in the New Testament, it says that, okay, the romantic part of the marriage is important. It is not a minor thing. All right, let's look at Hebrews chapter 13 again. I'm just doing a little bit of review. [00:14:53] Verse number four. [00:14:59] The Bible says, marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge. You see that contrast? White and black. You see that just in that one verse, white and black. [00:15:17] When it's white, it's pure white, but when it's black, it's pure black. You see, even though you might say again, I'm trying to be discreet, but even though the activity is the same, one is holy and one is wicked. All right, but here's the thing. God does commend marriage, and specifically, he commends in what we're reading now, he commends this part of the marriage as being something that should be cultivated and cared for. Okay? [00:15:50] So go back to Proverbs, if you would. Let's look at verse number 15. [00:15:58] The Bible says, drink waters out of thine own cistern, which is a cistern is like an underwater storage place for water. [00:16:09] Underwater underground storage place for water. They would dig a cistern and they would pump the water, put the water into the cistern underground, and of course, it had to be sealed or the water would leak out. But in fact, one of the evidences that the garden tomb is where Jesus was actually buried because the Bible says there was a garden near the tomb. One of the evidences that there was actually a garden. Of course there's a garden now because they planted a garden but previously is the fact that there's a cistern underneath the ground in that location. But anyhow a cistern and running waters out of thine own well. Now, we look at this verse and of course our thoughts automatically go to the word own because it's mentioned twice thine own sister and thine own well. Of course, this is a reference to the husband and wife relationship. And the Lord is saying, you have a wife. You need to be drinking water out of your own well, not other people's well, not other people's sister and they're not trying to steal other people's water. Speaking, of course, of adultery, okay? [00:17:23] And that's what we concentrate on, that which belongs to you. That's what we just read in one corinthians. [00:17:32] The husband belongs to the wife and the wife to the husband. [00:17:36] But here's what I want you to see out of verse 15. [00:17:41] The Lord says drink. [00:17:44] The Lord says drink. [00:17:46] Now, of course, the emphasis is on not you drink out of your own water. But listen, and again, listen, I'm trying to cover the text discreetly. [00:17:58] I trust everybody understands that for thirst there is a place to go to drink. [00:18:06] And that place is right and holy. And the Lord says, drink of thine own drink waters out of thine own sisters and running waters of thine own dwell. So whenever a husband and a wife are thirsty, god has provided a place for that to be dealt with, for that to be satisfied. [00:18:26] Now, here's the issue. [00:18:31] What's the purpose of a well if you don't drink? [00:18:35] Now, this is the comparison. I'm glad sometimes the Lord gives us comparisons because if he didn't, then he'd have to say it plainly and it's easier to talk in comparison. It's in allegory what's the purpose of a well if you don't drink? That's its purpose. [00:18:52] And if remember in that same vein, if our thirst is satisfied at our own well, then why would we seek water out of another man's well? [00:19:05] Do you understand what I'm saying? [00:19:08] This is why this part of the relationship is important for the husband and wife. This is what we read in one Corinthians, chapter seven, verse one, chapter seven, verse two, to avoid fornication. [00:19:22] So the Lord has provided a well. He says drink. Look at verse 16. He says, Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad and rivers of waters in the streets. Now, in verse number 15, we talk about the cistern and the well. That's a reference to that. That would be a reference to a man and his wife, right? So his wife is the well, the husband is the well if you want to switch it around. But in verse number 16, you have fountains of waters being dispersed and rivers of water in the street. So you have this idea of water being poured out. Being poured out. Right. That's the idea. And I think this is a reference to children. To children because in the next verse, it says, let them be only thine own and not strangers with thee. Which, of course, that relates back to verse number 15. [00:20:11] But the idea here's, what I want you to see from this is the rivers of waters in the streets. [00:20:17] The comparison there is trying to help us understand that our children listen, are an outflow of this romantic relationship between the husband and the wife. [00:20:32] That's what I want you to see. And I know there's exceptions. There's people that can't have children and things like that. But generally speaking generally, the fact of children coming along is supposed to be a positive thing. It's supposed to be the natural byproduct of a healthy husband and wife relationship. And the Lord says, Let the waters flow out. [00:20:56] Listen, in the scripture, children are not described as curses. Children are not described as burdens. Children are described as a heritage, as a possession, as something to be valued. Heritage being like a piece of land or something that's highly valued that someone wants to keep and treasure. That's how children are described. Now, they're a heritage of the Lord that's been given to us and loaned to us. But the idea is they're a prized possession. But think about the connection remember, we're talking about this. Think about the connection between the romantic relationship that's here with the children. [00:21:36] There's a direct connection between those two. And it is a right and healthy byproduct of a healthy marital relationship in that way. [00:21:52] And so listen, and I listen, we're not going to be having any more kids in my family. But you know what my job is? Well, obviously to take care of my own kids, right? And my wife and my kids. But you know what my job is, even if I'm done with that season of life, my job is to make sure that I'm also encouraging others in that way as well, to maintain Godly relationships, a right relationship with the husband. You know, one way you might be able to do that is you go to some of the families in our church and you say, look, we'll take your kids and you go on a date. [00:22:28] You take your kids, you go on a date, just you two. [00:22:32] That's one way. Now, people might not be might not want to do that at the particular time you suggest it. But the point is you're encouraging that kind of relationship. It should not be unusual to see a husband and a wife showing affection to one another. And this is where it really gets sometimes the different generations and viewpoints sometimes can have a little bit of in some generations, it's considered to be absolutely off limits. You do not show affection in public. And then others, like the Cambodian culture especially, that is a big no no. A big no. You don't do that. But what say at the scripture, that's all that matters. What say at the scripture. All right, look at verse number 17. We'll see it. [00:23:18] Let them be only thine own and not strangers with thee. Talking about the waters, talking about one's wife, one's husband. This is healthy jealousy. [00:23:30] People are like, you can be too jealous. I mean, obviously you can be carnal and wicked about it. But some people are like, yeah, well, I don't care what my husband does. That's stupid. Listen, that is super stupid. I don't care who my wife talks to. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care if she runs around with some rides around alone in a car with a man that's not her husband, or he rides around alone in a car with a man that's not his wife, a woman that's not his wife. [00:23:57] Trust them. You shouldn't. [00:23:59] You shouldn't because, well, men are wicked, but women are, too. Same in right there. [00:24:07] Here's the thing. He says, look, let them be only thine own. We should guard that relationship, that intimate relationship with our spouse. It ought to be guarded. I bet Miss Betty has gotten jealous over brother Vernon a few times over the years. [00:24:25] That happens. And listen, I'll say it like this. If there's never any jealousy at all, I know people are different. But if there's never any jealousy at all, something's wrong. [00:24:36] And I'll go even a step further. Oftentimes, people, husbands especially, let the leash out really long with that. Not to compare a wife with a dog, but you know what I'm saying? [00:24:50] They let it out really long because they themselves want liberty to mess around. And that's wicked, too. [00:24:57] Jealousy is healthy in moderation, of course it's right. It's good. [00:25:02] But it also goes both ways. It also goes both ways. Now, look at verse verse number 18. The Bible says, let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. [00:25:17] Now, here's what we need to remember. [00:25:20] Generally speaking, people get married when they're young, right? When you talk about I know there's widows and they get married in older age and stuff. But generally speaking, when people get married when they're young, there's several principles we need to remind ourselves of that because the reality is like it or lump it, as time goes on, we change. Okay? That's a reality. But you know what? This is one reason why you need to keep if you're married, you need to keep pictures of your spouse. I mean, I know in the Bible times they have pictures like that, but we do. Okay? We need to keep pictures of our spouse when we got married, when they were the wife, when they were the husbands of our youth. [00:26:02] And that reminds us that the person on that picture is the same person that I'm married to now. [00:26:09] It's the same person now. Why does that matter? We need to make that connection between our present life when we're not in our youth anymore. I mean, I feel like I just recently have crossed the threshold in which I can talk about younger married couples. I mean, I've been married 20, almost 23 years. [00:26:31] It doesn't feel like that. But I feel like I'm not a young couple. [00:26:37] Am I a young couple still? Are we still young couples still in our youth? [00:26:43] But you know what? [00:26:48] She was my wife. She was the wife of my youth. She is now the wife of my youth. We got married. I had just turned 19. She was 18, just a few months from 19. [00:27:00] But we're no longer young as we were before. But here's the thing. He says now follow me. [00:27:09] Let thy fountains I'm sorry. Let thy fountain be blessed. Verse 18. And rejoice with the wife of thy youth. You know what that indicates? He's not talking about the writer is not saying he's young. He's saying I should be rejoicing now with this same woman who was my wife when I was young. In other words. And again, the context is the intimate relationship that should be present still, just like in our youth. [00:27:39] This is what the Bible is saying, that the intensity and quality of the love that was present in our youth should still be present at this stage. And it shouldn't just die off because we get old. [00:27:54] That should maintain what was once present between us and our youth should still be present. That's what the verse says. Rejoice with the wife of thy youth, not you're young. Enjoy it. No, you were young. You're not young anymore, but still rejoice like you did when you were young. That's what it's saying. [00:28:14] And then in verse number 19, this is where I got to be real careful for little ears. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant row. The hind, that's a female deer. All right? When you read in your Bible a heart H-A-R-T that's a male deer. We call it a buck. We call a hind a dough. And a row is just a deer, without specifying. All right? So this is a reference to the wife. But the idea of a deer, we don't really use this. We think of a graceful creature, right? We think of a peaceful, an elegant, graceful creature. We might think of what? [00:28:49] We might think of what? Give me a graceful creature. [00:28:53] A swan, a gazelle, flamingo? I don't know. [00:28:59] But in the Middle East, a deer is considered to be a graceful and elegant creature. [00:29:08] The idea with this is the imagery symbolizes that the wife is a person of grace and beauty. Because we're talking about a hind, right? That's a female deer. [00:29:21] The wife is someone of grace and beauty, which grace means this the quality of being pleasing, attractiveness, and having charm. [00:29:32] Now, notice what it says. [00:29:34] Let her be as the loving hind in pleasant. In other words, I'll encourage your wife remember the context of this and family matters, right? [00:29:43] Make yourself nice, pleasing, attractive, like a deer to your husband. It says, Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant notice. Loving, pleasant, row. This is a lady whose husband, just because of her character, her characteristics, is attracted to her. She's kind, she's loving, she's graceful, she's elegant. She's all of these things that you might think of with a deer. [00:30:16] The Bible says to the husband, you need to let her be this and to the wife, you should do this. It's a command to both, both what she is and strives to be, as well as how he views her and how he desires her to be. You know what that means? Sometimes you got to let her buy stuff that she wants to buy. You got to let her shop. You got to let her make up. Right? You got to let her go to wherever she goes and does whatever she does to do whatever. [00:30:42] Look, what we're talking about, this is in the Bible now. We're talking about is the maintenance of this part of the marriage. And it is right. And we know I say this, I'm speaking generally now. We know there are things that interrupt this and make this hard. [00:30:58] My wife has health issues. Those have to be dealt with with patience and long suffering. [00:31:06] But that doesn't negate the truth. All right, let's keep going because we're going to run out of time here. [00:31:12] I'm not going to read the middle part of the verse, but I'm going to continue reading the end. It says, and be thou ravished always with her love, ravished. Listen to this. [00:31:24] Transported in spirit or with some strong emotion, entranced, enraptured, captivated. This is not talking about when you're kids, when you're newlyweds, that's good and fine, but this is not that. This is saying, you remember that girl you married? Remember that, man you married? My wife said that the other day. She saw a picture of me when we had just got married. She told me I was cute. [00:31:50] Was cute. [00:31:53] You got to be careful, man. You look at a picture of your wife that I mentioned on the thing, you'll be careful. What tense of the verb? At no point in time. Is tense of a verb more important than at that moment. [00:32:09] What's that? Yes, I'm handsome. [00:32:16] So we're talking about now, love. Not back then, love. And he says, be thou. What's the next word? Ravished. What's it say? Always. [00:32:27] That means it doesn't matter when you're young, if you're old. That means right now that relationship should be such. You say, well, brother Adam, this is a tall order. [00:32:41] But even if we find that we have fallen short in this way, it is something we can work toward, right? [00:32:50] Maintaining, developing. If it's lost that relationship with our wife, that closeness, that intimacy, of course, that deals with the physical part, but also the other parts of intimacy that does transport us away. And is emotional and enraptures and captivates us. [00:33:12] That's what the Bible says. [00:33:15] Now look at the next verse. We got to close here, but look what it says. [00:33:22] I'm sorry. Verse 19 and be thou ravish. That's a command. [00:33:27] That's a command. [00:33:30] If the intimate part of our relationship, both emotional and physical, is dead, there's a problem. [00:33:40] If the intimate part of our relationship is dead, this says, Be thou ravished always with her love. [00:33:50] If that's the case, it needs care, it needs attention, it needs repair and maintenance. [00:34:01] Because here's the problem. Verse 20 and why wilt thou, my son be what's the word? Ravished with a strange woman and embrace the bosom of a stranger? You have a well. [00:34:18] I don't like my water. [00:34:21] But you have a well, your thirsty drink. [00:34:25] I don't like my water. Fix it right, it's embarrassing. Maybe, but it's better than verse 20. [00:34:38] You see, we have a husband, we have a wife. Lord says you need to be ravished with the love of our spouse. [00:34:46] And that when we're filled up with water from our own cistern, from our own well. That helps a lot not to be thirsty with other cisterns and other wells. Is that right? Because that water is good water and we're drinking it. [00:35:00] That's what's being described here. [00:35:04] See, in pop culture, here's the issue in popular culture, it seems that the only people that this describes in our culture now, those that are ravished swept away. It's always people that aren't married and are immoral. [00:35:21] There's the only people that have this kind of relationship, that's what you see on TV and they call a baby who's born outside of wedlock a love child on these stupid soap operas. A love child. [00:35:36] That's what we're talking about here. [00:35:39] But you know what? That's a shame and a reproach. [00:35:43] That only those who are immoral and who fornicate are characterized with this kind of romantic love. That ain't right. In fact, the Lord says the Lord uses the same for both. Just like I said in Hebrews 13, it says, marriage honorable belong the bed undefiled, but hormongers adulterers. God will judge. It the white and the black, right? But it's the same thing going on. Well, in this case, same way. Ravished, ravished one's good, one's wicked. [00:36:14] But he says in verse number 20 why wilt thou be ravished with a strange woman when you have a wife? When you have a husband? [00:36:27] Should you not be ravished with your own wife? [00:36:32] In both cases, the man is ravished one with a strange woman, but the other with his own wife. And God commends that. God commends that. [00:36:44] Now, we'll have to wait till maybe next time to go into some of the things in proverbs six, because this proverb six and proverbs seven describe this strange woman and what exactly she does to ravish. [00:36:55] That's interesting. [00:36:58] And if that's the case, then there's things to be learned. [00:37:03] If this is the way. All I'm saying is there aren't very many places in the Bible where this part of a marriage is addressed. But here it is. [00:37:17] But here it is. And so this part, then, deserves our attention, because this is one thing that the proverbs covers. [00:37:25] All right, let's pray together.