Family Matters (Part 4)

[00:00:00] Alright, let's go to Proverbs, chapter number 31. [00:00:05] Do a little bit of review before we move on to chapter 31. We, we are studying, of course, major themes in the book of Proverbs. And we are currently in the theme of what I call the family matters, that is, issues, deals with husbands, wives, mothers and fathers and children. [00:00:22] And there's still, still a fair amount that we haven't yet covered. But we'll try to do that fairly quickly because there's, of course, many other themes in proverbs. [00:00:31] But we want to look at chapter 31. But just as a review, we looked at chapter 19, verse 14 last time, and chapter 19, verse 14 says, this house and riches are the inheritance of fathers and a prudent wife is from the Lord. And what we talked about in that is on the subject of husbands and wives, we looked at the fact that the wife, the spouse by extension, we apply it to the spouse is a gift from God. In other words, the source of our spouse is a gift from God. And we should recognize that fact. [00:01:14] So we're not talking about, I know that we know that from a human perspective, we chose our spouse, we made a decision to get married. But from God's perspective, he says that a prudent wife is from the Lord. [00:01:32] And then we also looked at how society views wives and husbands and how sometimes our society describes and characterizes marriage as a bad thing. That is, there's a lot of negative to it. They describe it like that. But really, the truth be told is if you have, especially if you have two children of God who are both in fellowship with God, then a marriage, when they're both walking in the Spirit, I guess I have to have a whole lot of caveats, right? When they're both walking in the Spirit, it is a little bit of heaven on earth. In other words, it is a taste of not only fellowship in the marital sense, but a fellowship in the sense of believers as well. [00:02:23] And so we looked at that, and we also looked at what it means to be a prudent wife and why it is important that we choose our wife or our husband. Well, because if we do not choose well, we do not have a prudent wife or a prudent husband, as the case may be, then there can definitely be problems that result out of that. [00:02:53] And that reminds us as well of how important it is of the quality of spouse that we are, that we pay attention to what we're doing and try to really follow the Lord and do right by our spouse. So we're going to look at Proverbs 31. Now, we know that Proverbs 31 deals primarily with the virtuous woman. [00:03:16] But you cannot divide the virtuous Woman from the subject of the family. The relations between the husband and wife, the relation as a mother, the relations with her children, the Relations with others in her home. [00:03:32] You can't divide it. It is part and parcel. It is integrated in with what it means to be a woman. [00:03:41] The world hates that. The world does not want the identity of a woman. In fact, nowadays, people who are not women are called women, people who are not. It's just, the insanity in our world is just at an all time high. But the things that make a woman uniquely a woman are the very things that are being attacked and being taken away from women. It's insanity. It's just insanity. So let's pray together, and then we will look at Proverbs 31. We'll start in verse number ten. Okay, let's pray. [00:04:18] Our Father, thank you for your goodness to us. Thank you for the wisdom that you've given to us in the Scripture that tells us and instructs us about your will. [00:04:29] Lord, give us a heart and a mind to really set our heart and mind on these truths in the Scripture. I pray, Lord, that you would work in the hearts of each and every person here and each and every person that's listening in. I pray for your grace and your blessing to be upon the Sunday school teachers downstairs, Ms. Pam and Priscilla, and upon Ms. McLean. Please give them understanding and wisdom as they teach the kids in their various classes. Bless them and help the word of God to really sink down deep into the hearts of the kids there and give them grace as they teach. And as we look at your word this morning and we try to help our mind, our worldview, our values be set by your word. I pray that nothing satanic, nothing of the flesh, nothing otherwise would hinder the work of the word of the Lord in our midst. Lord, please give me the words I need to say to your people and the truths I need to bring out, Lord, that your people might be edified and strengthened. [00:05:34] And I pray that whatever our view is on these matters of the family would also be what would be the same as what your view is. [00:05:44] And we would not let the wisdom of the world, which is from beneath, that it would not guide our thoughts and our values. So, Lord, we just pray you'd help us know you better and walk with you more closely. In Jesus name we ask. Amen. [00:06:01] All right, proverbs 31, verse. I'll look at verse number one very quickly. Then we'll start reading in verse ten, down through verse number 31. The Bible says this. The words of King Lemuel, or Lemuel, depending on how you want to pronounce it, the prophecy that his mother taught him. Okay, now jump down to verse ten. So that sets the context for what chapter eleven. Chapter 31 is. Now. Verse number ten says this. Who can find a virtuous woman? [00:06:31] For her price is far above rubies? The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. [00:06:42] She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. [00:06:47] She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands. [00:06:53] She is like the merchant's ships. She bringeth her food from afar. [00:06:58] She riseth also, while it is yet night. And giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field and buyeth it with the fruit of her hands. She planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength and strengtheneth her arms. [00:07:17] She perceiveth that her merchandise is good. Her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. [00:07:29] She stretcheth out her hand to the poor. Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are Clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of Tapestry. Her clothing is silk and purple. HEr husband is Known in THE Gates WHen He Sitteth among the ElderS of the land. She maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come. [00:08:04] She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the Ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness. [00:08:15] Her children arise up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou Excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain. But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her own works praise her in the gates. [00:08:39] Powerful. I would say powerful again. We've already covered this to some degree. We've talked about how that the world paints a caricature of what Christian people are supposed to believe about women and women's roles and those kinds of things. And to be honest, we dOn't even care. We don't even give a rip about the way the world caricatures us because they always mischaracterize it. And so what we need is the word of God to set us right, to get us just exactly where we need to be. In verse number one, the Bible says this, the words of King Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him. Now, we're going to look, after we get done with Proverbs 31, if we have time this morning, we're going to look at Proverbs Four. And in proverbs four, you have the instruction of a father to his son. But in Proverbs 31, you have the instruction of a mother to her son, which is interesting. [00:09:44] So that tells me that the father is not the only teacher in the home. The father is not the only one who gives instruction in the home. Of course, the father should. And we'll look at that in proverbs four later. But the mother's instruction. THE MOthER'S InsTRUCTIoN is NECeSSARY, AND IT IS VALUAbLE TO THE CHILDREN. THAT IS A MINISTRY that is substantial, and it is not to be looked lightly upon. [00:10:14] And that also reminds us that a mom should deliberately and intentionally seek to instruct her children. It is not just the law of the Father. It is also the law of the Mother. And that's also in the Book of Proverbs. Right? The Law of the mother and of the Father. So, so much for this idea. Listen, there is an idea that is promoted among churches of like faith of ours. And I say like faith. I'm referring to the faith on paper, that basically women are of no account. Women have no real influence in the family. And women, there are people that teach. And this is not what we're reading here. We're reading about a woman who is virtuous, who has great influence in her family, and someone who is to be respected, someone whose word is to be revered, right, and obeyed. This is how Proverbs describes the role of a mother in the family. This is powerful. This is powerful. [00:11:22] And you think, if God gives this kind of deference, if I could use that word, if God puts this kind of value upon the law of a woman within her family, should not the husband, who we know is the head of the wife, is the leader of the home, should not he also give deference to his wife in the same way, recognizing her wisdom? That is exactly. In fact, you see it in this chapter. We'll see it. But notice in verse one, the mother is doing the teaching. Don't look lightly upon that not as the child whose mother taught him taught you, but also as the husband or as the mother. [00:12:05] Don't forget, do not neglect the priority that you have and the role that you have as an influencer in your family for good and righteousness. [00:12:18] And he says in verse number ten, notice what it says. Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies. That's just to say she is rare. It is not a common thing to find a virtuous woman. It's also true of men. The same is true of a godly and upright man. But I think what this is indicating is it's even more rare to have a virtuous woman. [00:12:43] If you find one and you have onE, then she ought to be valued. And she ought to know that she's valued. All right. Verse number eleven. [00:12:53] The heart of her husband does safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. Now, this idea of trust. [00:13:02] So here you have a husband, and I'm going to say this several times. This air conditioner is going to start blistering from the heat. [00:13:15] Okay. You want me to shut the wind off back there, too? Are you guys okay? [00:13:22] Yeah. This is the constant runaround of our church, finding the right temperature zones. I love it. [00:13:31] It's true. I shouldn't have brought it up. I should have just sat here and sweat. [00:13:37] So this idea of trust. Now, the Scriptures do not teach again, and like I said, I'll say this a number of times in this chapter, we understand that the final responsibility, and say so in the home and in the family, falls on the Father. We understand that that is not something that we're not afraid. Listen, we're not afraid that the women are going to be upset because we say that. That's what the Bible says. That's what it says plainly. However, that does not mean, though, that men should walk around their homes and thump their chest and micromanage every little thing that goes on in the family. [00:14:19] Her husband trusts her. You see this? That means that there are certain things that he just totally commits to her and she does it and he don't have to worry about it. He doesn't micromanage every little thing. Now, if there's a problem, he has to intervene as the leader in the home. But he trusts her. He trusts her. And this idea of trust, I think, is often misused in marriage. Sometimes we use the word trust foolishly. In other words, let me give an example. I'll give you an example. [00:14:55] If you're riding around in a car with someone of your age who is the opposite sex as you are and you're married. [00:15:05] That's not a matter of trust. [00:15:09] This is a matter of wisdom and prudence. It's a matter of understanding someone's the sinful tendencies and temptation and things like that. It's just a matter of using prudence and wisdom and showing honor to your spouse. And listen, in this room, a lot of us at least, are married, and we understand how that dynamic works and where those temptations come from. And we ought not put ourselves in situations like that. That is not trust. That's not the kind of trust we're talking about. Trust is important in a marriage. But we ought not use the word trust when we should be using prudence. [00:15:52] See, that's why the Bible says, he that trusteth in his own heart is a fool. And when you trust in God, that means you're saying, Lord, you said this, I need to do this. So I'm trusting you to do it. I'm trusting you that this is the right way. That's what trust is talking about. Now, in this case, we trust our wives. We trust our husbands. We trust our spouses because they are trustworthy. [00:16:15] But that doesn't mean that we're okay with them being in a vulnerable and compromised position. I'm just trying to draw distinctions here because the word trust is brought up in the verse. [00:16:32] Even though the husband trusts his wife, there cannot be trust between two people unless there is virtue and there is honesty and there is trustworthiness between. In other words, they have demonstrated, both ourselves and our spouse have demonstrated faithfulness and loyalty to us, not just in front of people, but also behind closed doors. [00:16:58] So trust is directly related to the virtue of our spouse. Remember, your spouse knows exactly what you do in private. Well, your spouse knows a lot more about what you do in private than everybody else. Now, they don't necessarily know everything you do in private. God alone knows a lot of those things. But your spouse knows more about you than I know about you. Or anyone in here knows about you, right? [00:17:28] Are you someone who's worthy of trust? [00:17:32] In this case, the wife, she's worthy of. This virtuous woman is worthy of her husband's trust. And this doesn't involve merely issues related to the intimate part of marriage, although that's definitely part of it. That's definitely part of trust. But in this case, look at verse Eleven again. Now try to understand what's being said here in the context. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. What is spoil? Somebody tell me what spoil is, especially in the biblical context. [00:18:08] No takers. No takers. [00:18:11] When the soldiers in Israel went out to war and they won a battle, you know what they would take? They would take spoil. They would take spoil. That is, they would plunder in the army, in the camp of the enemy, they would go into all their tents, and you know what they usually found? They usually found spoil that that army had taken from other places that they had kept in their tent before they had gone home. And so they would take all that gold or maybe fancy clothing or whatever shoes or swords or whatever might be of value, they would take it all, plunder the army. Because after all, they all fled. They're dead, they're lost. So they took all those things that's spoil. And you know what they would do? They would bring it back home and they would take their backpack off. They had backpacks back then. And they would say, here, honey, I got all of this stuff at the battle. Here you go. You got a nice necklace in here. I found some cool clothing. I found a dwar jacket or whatever one. Is that a thing? I don't know either. [00:19:13] And that's what they would do. But notice this verse says, he doesn't have need of that. [00:19:19] In other words, the way I view this, and I'm not persuaded this is the only way to look at this verse. But the way I view this is the wife is so trustworthy that extra things like that, the family doesn't need those things to bail them out because she's foolish and she blows all the money and she doesn't take care of business. [00:19:41] In other words, if he can rely on her to make wise decisions financially, and she does so that there's not a whole bunch of bailouts you need from all these other sources like this. [00:19:53] That is what we see in Proverbs 31, verse eleven. [00:19:58] There is trust. And this is speaking of financially, right? This is talking about money. So here's a question. Are you trustworthy in money? See, trust is not just about whether you are faithful to your spouse in relation to the marriage bit. Trust is also whether you are someone who is worthy to be trusted and does what you say when nobody's looking. That's what trust is about. [00:20:25] Now, you remember, if you look at verse number twelve, the Bible says she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. You remember in Proverbs 1822 and Proverbs 19, verse 14, when we study those, it says when we get married? Married. Our marriage is supposed to be a net good. Remember? That means it's not all good. There are some difficulties and hard things we go through. But when you put them together, it's a net good. Right? Look at what it says. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. [00:20:59] Am I doing good to my wife? Am I doing good to my husband? In my relationship to him or her? [00:21:10] Are they benefiting from and being enriched by my relationship with them? [00:21:17] That's a good question. Listen, in a relationship with a husband and wife, we're just looking at the verses here. In relationship with the wife, it should not be neutral. Well, we just exist. No, we should be doing active good for one another. [00:21:32] Our life is better because we are married. And that's what the virtue. This is the virtuous woman's characteristic. [00:21:42] All right. [00:21:44] Now look at some of these things here. The number of times, as we read through here, the number of times that this woman's virtue is intertwined with her duties at home, toward her family. [00:22:00] Notice all the times that it's mentioned. [00:22:05] We could look at. [00:22:07] Of course, her husband in verse eleven is mentioned. It's also down at the bottom. Verse number. [00:22:15] Let's see. Verse number 28. Her husband also praises her. You see that? Her husband also. And he praises her. So the husband is mentioned. The children are mentioned. Look at what it says. She is like the merchant ships. Verse 14. She bringeth through food from afar. So she's shopping, right? Does that not what that means? She goes to the mArket, she does housework. And that's not just cleaning, but she does things to take care of her home and her family. That's also here. Verse 15. She riseth while it is yet night and giveth meat to her household. That's cooking, right. [00:22:53] She's gardening. Verse 16. She considereth the field with the fruit of her hands. She planted the vineyard. [00:23:00] She's gardening. She's sewing clothing. Now, listen, if you don't sew, listen, at this time in the world, there weren't sewing machines and there weren't weaving machines like we have. They didn't have stores like we have now. So, I mean, this is just. Don't. Don't get too upset. When my wife first got married, she'll probably be embarrassed. I'm saying this. She read this and she thought, well, if I don't know how to sew, then I can't be a good wife. [00:23:27] Well, listen, you go to the store and you get the clothing that you need and you take care of business that way. [00:23:35] The point is that the virtuous woman here is paying attention to her family, what her family needs. The word household is used. [00:23:44] Her children are mentioned. [00:23:47] Notice some of the things. And this. Listen, I'm just hitting the high points here, but notice some of the things. Notice how many times we read that the virtuous woman is engaging in commerce. [00:24:00] She's making money. [00:24:03] It says, verse 16, she considereth a field and buyeth it. Look, this is not her husband doing it. This is her doing it. [00:24:13] And then it says, verse 18, she perceived that her merchandise is good. She's making stuff and engaging in commerce, selling it, making money for herself. Verse 19. She's sewing things. [00:24:27] Verse 20, she's giving to the poor that she's taking money that she has, that she has earned and is helping people because she has a heart that is generous. [00:24:38] Notice what it says in verse number 24. She maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. [00:24:47] She looketh. Verse 27, she looketh well to the ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness. [00:24:55] Notice. I just want you to get the picture here. This is not Big Dog DaddY walking around the house dominating and telling his wife every little thing to do and making sure that he controls every little thing that his wife is doing and only letting her do something if he micromanages every little part. And she can't go to the store, she can't go buy anything, she can't sell anything. [00:25:18] She can't make money independent of him because he feels insecure, because he might be six foot three, but in reality, his insecurities, like this. [00:25:33] Yeah, exactly. I don't know what you're talking about, but. [00:25:37] Exactly. She goes to the gym. I mean, she can beat her husband up, but watch out, Moses, and get you the right hook while carrying a toddler. Yeah, exactly. Lifting those kids. [00:25:55] Here's the thing again. [00:25:58] I know I'm attacking a straw man here, but the straw man is not exactly a straw man. He's a real man. And these men who have a perverted and twisted view of what manhood and husbandhood is, is that a word? [00:26:14] That is not what the Bible teaches. In fact, the Bible teaches this woman is independently seeking out to get money. Now, listen, that does not mean it's to the neglect of her family. She's doing it for her family. She is still taking care of her family. Her family is her first ministry. That's clear. But he's also not making sure that he. [00:26:39] Again, just hear me out. He's also not torpedoing everything she does because he wants to control everything. [00:26:48] That's not right. [00:26:50] He trusts her. And so his security and his manhood is not tied up in him making more money in his wife or in controlling what she does and doesn't do. And whether she sells this or that, there's trust there. [00:27:08] Not only that, look at verse number 22, or verse 21, Rather. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all of her household are clothed with Scarlet. You know what? Scarlet is fine clothing. Is that not what it is? [00:27:22] Remember, this is not 2023 when you can go down to Macy's or TJ Mac, wherever you want to shop, wherever you want to shop. It's not like you can go down there and get anything you want. It's not like that at all. Clothing is expensive and it's drab because you know why? The dyes come from plants and they're very pricey. You have to understand this. Like, I see Sister Rita, she's wearing like a blue, almost indigo colored. That was not cheap. [00:27:50] That was not cheap to have back in that day. Even Brother Pumpkin here. [00:27:57] I know. [00:27:59] I mean, you're talking about you wear a woolen garment. You basically getting a garment color of a sheep garment, right? [00:28:06] Because those things. But here she is. She's getting expensive stuff for her family. [00:28:11] That's what it's describing. Not only that, look at what she's wearing in verse 22. Herself. [00:28:17] She's not walking around. She's not walking around. Just getting the dregs, the handmedowns. No, she maketh herself coverings of tapestry. Her clothing is silk and purple. You see that? She's wearing fancy stuff, too. You know what that means, husband? That means you need to let her go shopping. [00:28:37] That means you need to allow her to buy nice stuff for herself. [00:28:43] I don't think we're stretching it at all. That's okay. It's okay to let your wife go buy nice things. [00:28:51] We know there are reasonable limits. We know that. [00:28:56] But this is what she's doing. She's not. Listen, ladies, she's not neglecting herself for her family. [00:29:03] She, remember, her husband wants her to look nice, and any good husband should, so he has to let her. But you know what? She's already been working. She's wise. She's selling these things. She's going to the merchant. She's trading, she's making some money. You know what she's doing? She's going to buy nice stuff for her home, nice stuff for herself. She's buying smelly stuff. She's buying earrings or whatever, that good smelly stuff. [00:29:31] Ooh, de toilette. Whatever. [00:29:34] Toilet water. [00:29:36] You all know what I'm talking. Every one of you have thought that before. When you read the French, say, why do they call this toilet water? [00:29:50] I'm just trying to describe to you that in the matters of the family, this is a lady who, of course, her wisdom and the knowledge of God is important. That's why in verse one, she's teaching her fAmily, her children, the wisdom of God. But in a practical sense, look at what she's doing. [00:30:11] You know what it shows when you kind of read between the lines, you see the kind of relationship the husband and the wife have in this because she has a lot of liberty to do these things. [00:30:20] He's engaging in his business to take care of his part of the family, and she's doing her. But hers is mainly focused directly with the running of the home, and he's okay with that. [00:30:34] And that's. Listen, this is a good example to us. This is a good example to us. [00:30:39] But here's the thing I want to remind you, and we're out of time now, but I want to remind you that the way that society mocks these kinds of values, especially for a woman, how that she concentrates and focuses on her home and her children, that is openly mocked everywhere. And it's set up as if, well, if a woman can't climb the corporate ladder, then she's useless. That is bunk. That is bunk. [00:31:18] That is just utterly false. [00:31:21] Do you know what? For ladies, the area of the home, the husband, the children, these matters is an area in life for which there is no substitute. Not a daycare, not a school, not a Sunday school. There is no, and you know what? In my family, I am not a substitute for my wife. If my wife wasn't there, my kids would be handicapped as a result of that. I can't be her substitute. There's only one person that can fill that role, and that's Allison Wood. [00:31:59] That means she is the only one that can properly fill that role. You know what that means? That means she's indispensable. [00:32:08] That shows her value in the family, and it also shows her influence in the family. [00:32:16] So this is what I mean when I say we have to be very careful that the values of the world do not invade our mind, either from a man's perspective. Because you know what? In our day, because the rise of what is popularly termed feminism, there's been a reaction among men. You know, that the reaction has been men. There's a segment of men, I'm not talking about Christian men outside of Christianity, who now are going into extreme masculinity, where they're using women like they're objects. That's the response in the world. This is happening. [00:32:56] But see, that's not right either. [00:33:00] But see, there is a proper way to view these things, and that's what we want to do. We want to make sure that both on the husband's side and the wife's side, these things are in their proper view, in the side of the Lord. And you know what? When that's the case, that's when we're in the sweet spot, the ideal situation. And that's when we're going to find the greatest level of fulfillment in our own hearts and lives. Let's pray together.